Sociopathologically Yours
by Bonkbonk
Summary: [SasuSaku based, T for language] Sakura's recently out of college and needs a place to live. She moves in with Sasuke, Neji, and Shika... crazyness ensues. Crackfic! Some random romance.
1. Prologue: Arrival

**A/N:** Hey :D Welcome to my first ever fanfic! When I first started, this was going to be a really serious fanfic, buttt... that kinda... didn't happen... and personally, I like crackfics >>; Chapters are updated whenever I really feel like writing them, MOST likely 3 times a week or so, or even once a day... I might get a pattern going eventually, for now it's just... whenever ;P

While this whole 'fic is based around SasuSaku, I'm a wierdo and don't write romantic-stuffs much, and for some reason there's actually more SakuxEveryoneelse than SasuSaku xD Ooooh welllllll, one day... haven't really had a chance yet :P

If anyone has ideas for random things to write about, even just a WORD, I'll write a chapter off it and credit you! I'm just looking for any ideas right now...

(Wow, I suck at these Author Note things... I'm gonna try not to write many more of these...)

**Disclamerrrr: **I don't own Naruto or it's characters. Kleenex is (c) the Kleenex people, Kraft dinner is (c) Kraft, and Muffrooms are mine! This disclaimer is for the whole story, so I don't have to post it for every chappy... when in doubt... return to this page...

* * *

**Prologue: Arrival**

Sakura anxiously knocked on the door, every possession she could call her own held in her free hand.

"Helloooo?" she called, knocking harder. Soon she heard footsteps, and Shikamaru opened the door.

"Saaa… what?" he said groggily, sporting an 'I-just-woke-up, what-the-crap-is-going-on' look on his face.

"Shikamaru!" Sakura grinned; she'd missed her old friend. "Umm, I have something I need to ask you…"

Shikamaru ruffled his hair, thinking for a minute. "Ahh… sure. Come on in, I guess." He lead her inside, grumbling "how troublesome" under his breath and trying to comb out his hair with his fingers.

Removing her flip-flops, Sakura padded across the soft, blue carpet and sat on a comfortable looking armchair. At that point, she noticed Neji was sprawled out across the floor, loosely clutching the corner of his sleeping bag. Well, living here was going to be interesting…

Shikamaru sat down across from her on the couch, taking a moment to kick Neji's blanket over his head.

"Ahem… so, what's up?"

"Well, you see… I kind of quit college, and, well…" she played with her hair, wondering exactly how to phrase this. "…I need a place to stay."

Shikamaru scratched his head and took a moment to take this in. There were odd noises coming from the kitchen, but Sakura tried to ignore them.

"What you're saying is, you want to stay with us…?" Shikamaru was pretty surprised at this, but not enough to fully wake him up. _'Sakura wants to live with us? Is she going crazy…? Three guys, living in a tiny apartment… yeah… she's gone crazy.'_

"Well, I'll have to ask Sasuke, but… hey, I don't see why not…"

Sakura twitched. Sasuke… SASUKE lived here too! She was going to be living… with… SASUKE?

Her heart skipped a beat. Actually, it didn't really. But it felt weird enough that it could have.

"Sa… yeah… okay… let me know…" she mumbled, still not quite grasping the fact that Sasuke lived here. Where was he, anyways…? While she was lost in thought, Shikamaru stood up and headed towards the kitchen. Which was still making odd noises. Frightened, but curiosity taking over, Sakura followed.

"Sasuke, are you done dinner yet! Anyways, Sakura's here, hurry up."

"Whaaaat?" called Sasuke from the counter, armed with a blender.

"SAKURA. IS. HERE! She wants to ask you something!"

Wait… now I have to talk to Sasuke? What if he says NO! Can't Shika tell him for me? It was too late, though, because Sasuke popped up from behind the kitchen door just then.

"Yo." He looked at Sakura, waiting for her to say something.

"Ahhhh, Sasuke! Heyy! It's been a long time! Ahhh… I mean… I was wondering…"

"My cookies. Are going to burn. Please hurry up." He glared at her in a very creepy way, and Sakura suddenly wondered what's happened since the last time they met.

"Can I live here?" she blurted out, almost blushing from her sheer stupidness.

"Yeah, sure. Just let me get my cookies. You have a pillow?"

"Errr, yeah… yeah! Really? I have all my stuff, it's just…" she pointed to her bag, which she left by the door. "In there."

She couldn't believe that Sasuke actually said YES. And now she was going to eat COOKIES, for DINNER. This would be the start of a great life…


	2. After Dark

**After Dark**

After completely devouring Sasuke's cookies, which were surprisingly good, the three decided that maybe they should wake up Neji. Sakura was on the floor (nobody knew why), so she leaned over and shook Neji.

"Yo! Nejiiiii! Wake up!" He didn't move, so she shook him harder. That was a mistake. Neji suddenly grabbed Sakura's hand, pulled her ontop of him, and wrapped his arms around her. Wonder what he's dreaming of…

"Ne…ji!" she mumbled, trying to pry him off. "Let… GO!" Finally she was free, and Neji opened his eyes to see Sakura lying ontop of him.

"What the crap? Get off me!" he grumbled, flinging her off.

"You idiot! Stop grabbing me in your sleep!" she went to whack him on the head, but he pulled her close again, his arms wrapped around her back.

"Sakura… I never knew you were so… beautiful…" Sakura suddenly realized that Neji was actually REALLY hot.

"Neji…"

"AHAHA, just kidding," he exclaimed, flinging her across the room. "So, guys… why's Sakura here?"

Shikamaru had lived with Neji the longest, and knew that he did this a lot. He'd gotten weird in his teen years. 

Sasuke was not so lucky, and felt… was it… jealousy? Maybe it was the pink hair… or the way she'd eaten his cookies… or maybe he just wanted Neji all to himself… wait… no. It was definitely her. It's not like he LIKED her or anything… he just didn't want Neji near her. That was all. Yup.

"Neji." Shikamaru replied, in a serious tone. "Sakura… lives here now."

Neji stared at him in shock. Not for long, though, as Sakura snuck up behind him and whacked him on the head, fairly hard, with a pillow. A particularly large pillow. She would get her revenge, whatever it took.

"Ahaha… yeaaaaah… anyways…" Sakura looked around a bit, and then retreated to the safety of the couch.

The sun was setting, and the three, lacking anything better to do, all sat on the couch and watched it. Then, a thought dawned on Shikamaru.

"Wait… shouldn't we… show Sakura around the house?"

"Yay!" Sakura replied cheerily, eager to see her new home.

"Hn… I'll help, I guess," mumbled Sasuke, and they all got up, stepped over Neji, and headed for the kitchen.

"So… this is… the kitchen…" Shikamaru said, pointing inside.

"It's… a mess…" was all Sakura could say, and soon followed with a "How about I clean it up tomorrow…?"

They all agreed that was a good idea, then led Sakura through the kitchen to another door.

"And that's the bathroom." At this point, Sasuke wondered why he'd come, as they only had three rooms in the house ANYWAYS, and then realized he'd rather be with them than an unconscious Neji.

"Great! Hey, since it's almost night… I think I'll go set up my bed. Where do you want me to sleep?"

They headed back to the living room while she spoke, and Shikamaru answered.

"Sasuke sleeps by the window, Neji's on the floor, and I'm on the couch. Do you wanna sleep beside Neji?"

Sasuke quickly jumped in with his two cents. "NO! Wait, I mean, uhh… no… how about she sleeps on the couch, Shika, I mean… hnn… she is a… girl…"

Sasuke realized that was… kind of weird reason. But Shikamaru would understand.

"I want… my couch…" Shikamaru said. Sasuke stomped on his foot, and quickly said "You're… gonna… sleep… on the… FLOOR… okay?" Shikamaru muttered a "this is so… troublesome…" before replying "Fine, whatever…"

Sakura had missed the whole thing, however, as she was already throwing her things onto the couch. Pillow, blanket… pajamas… manga, flashlight… all set for the night.

By the time all that was over, the sun was almost done setting and Neji was finally conscious again, only to be told that they were all going to bed and to go to sleep. He was too groggy to listen, though, and zombie-walked to the bathroom, only to open the door on a changing Sakura. Good job, Neji.

"NEJIIIII YOU PERVERTTTTTTTTTT!" she screamed, slamming the door. After throwing on her tanktop-and-pjpants pajamas, she whacked Neji on the head, hard, and stormed off to her bed. Sasuke was looking out the window, and Shika was reading doujinshi his friend Chouji wrote (who amazingly grew up to be an aspiring manga-ka)

All the while, moonlight filled the whole room – it was beautiful. It wasn't long before they fell asleep.


	3. Truth or Dare… Sort of…

**Truth or Dare… Sort of…**  
(aka the super long chapter of doooom)

Sakura was plotting something.

"Okay guysss, we're gonna play a game… that I made up…" said Sakura.

"Uhh… what's it called?" asked Shikamaru, wondering what it could be.

"It… doesn't have a name! …" she answered, getting ready to explain it to everyone.

"Soooo, it goes like this – it's like Truth or Dare, except you give someone a dare, and then there's a consequence… like…" she thought for a moment.

"Strip dance or I'll take away all your cookies!" she exclaimed fiercely to Sasuke, who instinctively hugged all of his cookies close.

"My cookiessssssssss!" he screamed, shoving 6 into his mouth.

"Yeaaaah… that was just the example…" she coughed. "Okay, Neji, you start…"

Neji looked at her like she was crazy.

"Uhhh, okay…" he turned to Shikamaru. "Shika! Make out with Sasuke or I'll kill your firstborn!"

They all twitched. Sakura then proceeded to watch eagerly.

Shika looked around. "What the crap!" but was concerned for the safety of his firstborn, so he jumped on Sasuke and they started making out.

"Wow," mumbled Sakura. "I didn't think they'd actually do it."

Neji, too busy to listen, loaded another tape into his camcorder. Never know when this might come in handy.

Once that was over with, Shika was covered in cookie crumbs. Everyone was staring at him, so he ran away to the comfort of the washroom.

Sasuke looked devastated, but was happy he still had his cookies. Cookiessssss.

"O… kay then! Uhh, Sasuke, do you wanna go?" said Sakura cheerily.

"Cookiesss…" was all he could say, so Sakura decided to leave him alone for awhile.

"Neji!"

"Yeaaaaah?" 

"Uhhh…" she leaned over and whispered in his ear.

Neji's eyebrows raised in shock.

"No way! I'm too scared, no, no… I can't do that!"

Sakura smiled menacingly. "If you don't, I'll…" she whispered something else into his ear.

This time, she'd gone too far. "Are you KIDDING me? Okay, okay, I'll do it. If I get killed, it's your fault…"

Sakura made an odd noise similar to "teehee" and watched as Neji crawled ninja-style around the room, until he was directly behind Sasuke.

"Distract him!" whispered Neji, and Sakura's eyes moved to Sasuke. He didn't seem to need much distracting…

_Sasuke: "Hehe… cookies… coooooookies… hehehehehehehe…"_

"Uhh… yeahhh…" Wieeeeerdo…

Sakura motioned for Neji to move in. "Now!"

In one swift movement, or more like 15 slow movements, even though Sasuke was too submersed in his baked goods to notice, Neji successfully captured one of Sasuke's cookies.

"YEAH! I did it! You thought I couldn't do it but I did! See! A cookie!" He waved it in front of her face, and Sakura grabbed it out of his hands.

"Thanks!" she winked, and Neji looked distraught. "The… cook… ie…"

Sakura nibbled on her cookie, Neji wandered aimlessly, still upset that his cookie was taken, while Sasuke laughed maniacally and made creepy faces. Luckily, at that time Shikamaru popped in.

"What the gravy happened while I was gone!"

Everyone was too busy to answer him though, so he went and sat down beside Sasuke. For no apparent reason, Sasuke popped back into reality.

"Sasuke…" mumbled Shika, staring down at the floor.

"Shika…" said Sasuke, staring at a different spot on the floor.

"I…"

"GET THE CRAP AWAY FROM HIM!" screamed a certain pink-haired girl, leaping onto Sasuke in a sort of ninja-glomp.

Sasuke was about to throw her across the room, but changed his mind. _That'll take too much energy…Must… conserve energy… for eating cookies…_

"Sakura, what…"

"SASUKE!" she burst into tears. Why the crap was she crying?

"I, I… I was so scared! I thought you loved Shikamaru! I can't take it anymore, tell me if you love him!"

"Sakura, I… I love…" but at that moment, Neji smacked Sakura's head, fairly hard, with a pillow. A particularly large pillow. Twitching, he picked her up and moved her carefully to the couch.

"Ahem. Figured you might need some help with that." _No WAY am I letting Sasuke get that close to Sakura…arg…_

"Err, thanks, Neji… yeah…" There he was, TOTALLY ready to express his true feelings, and Neji has to ruin it all. What a loser. He wasn't about to admit his secret to everyone just yet, though, so he had to play it cool.

"Whatever. Just helping out." Mumbled Neji, checking to see if Sakura was okay. She was totally out of it.

_Sorry, Sakura…_he thought. But it had been the only way. Besides, he had to get back at her SOMEHOW, and that was the perfect chance. His life was complete now.

But not for long. Sasuke snuck up behind him, armed with a particularly large pillow. Sasuke then proceeded to hit Neji on the head fairly hard. Neji collapsed instantly.

Now, what to do about Shikamaru… Shikamaru was too smart to fall for the pillow-whack, so Sasuke needed a different plan. Let's see… how could I trick Shikamaru into leaving…

Then it came to him. The perfect plan.

Sasuke ran up to Shikamaru, wrapped his arms around him, and kissed him. They kissed for a long time.

Sasuke started to wonder why his plan wasn't working. He let Shikamaru go.

"Uhhh… anyways…"

They looked around the room for awhile.

"Hey, Shika… wanna go into the kitchen?"

"Totally." He replied, and went to go sit in the kitchen.

Alright. Now it was just Sasuke. He kicked Neji against a wall and went to sit next to Sakura on the couch.

Her hair was all over her face, so Sasuke leaned over and carefully brushed it away. She looked so peaceful, just lying there… he almost wanted to…

**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**

"DAMNIT!" cursed Sasuke, a little too loud. Sakura's eyes flung open, only to see Sasuke leaning on top of her, getting up to answer the phone. He hadn't noticed that she'd awakened yet. 

_Why… why was Sasuke on top of me…? Why am I on the couch? WHY IS NEJI UNCONCIOUS ON THE FLOOR? WHAT THE CRAP!_

She looked around, and then decided that if she pretended to sleep, Sasuke might come back. So she closed her eyes, listened, and waited.

"Uchiha res- I mean, uh, our apartment… whatever. Sasuke speaking, who is it?"

_"Yo, it's Kiba. Is Neji there?"_

Sasuke looked over to Neji's body.

"No… no he's not…" he thought for a moment. "Errr, wanna leave a message?"

_"Just get him to call me. So, what's up? Anything exciting happen?"_

"Well, Sakura moved in with us… we've just been hanging out. I heard Shika's thinking of getting a job, though, we're kinda short on money… if Chouji wasn't a millionaire and sending us money every month, we'd totally starve…"

_They live off money from Chouji? What the crap?_ Thought Sakura.

_"Sakura moved in? Seriously? I haven't seen her in soooooo long, how's she doing?"_

"Pretty good I think. She's gotten a little violent, but she's just sleeping right now… she looks so…" he coughed. "Err, anyways. Wanna stop by sometime?"

_What was he gonna say? _She wondered.

_"Yeah, sure, I'll stop by sometime. Seeya!"_

"Bye!" Sasuke hung up the phone, and looked over at Sakura.

"Arg, it's too late now. Way to ruin the moment, Kiba-loser…" and he headed into the kitchen, mumbling to himself.

_DAMNIT! ARGGGG! Now what should I do? I can't lie here for the whole day. I'll just get up, whatever. Sasuke's probably going to make cookies._

Sakura got up, shook off and notice something lying on the bed.

_Sasuke's… keys? What's that, an Uchiha keychain? Wtf! Is there an Uchiha merchandise store! That'd be pretty sweet, actually…_

She looked over at Neji, who once again was looking pretty hot. It must be the whole sleeping thing. She actually really wanted to make out with him RIGHT NOW. But her heart lied with Sasuke, and there was no WAY she'd give him up after what almost happened today – now, more than ever, she thought that Sasuke might like her. But she was going to wait - guys are supposed to make the first move anyways, right?


	4. The Day Sasuke Couldn’t Make Cookies

**The Day Sasuke Couldn't Make Cookies**

"WHAT THE CRAP!" screamed Sasuke, his voice ringing throughout the house. Nobody minded, though, because it was sexy.

Sakura rushed into the kitchen to help him.

"SASUKE! I'm here to save you! What's wrong!"

"Sakura…" he whimpered, looking more pitiful than ever. WAAAAY more pitiful than ever. Sasuke –NEVER- looked pitiful, infact.

"Sakura… we… we…" he fell to the ground, hands in a 'whyyyy, god, why?' position, and looked up at her. "We… DON'T HAVE ANY FLOUR!" and burst into tears.

"Sasuke! It's gonna be alright!" She quickly ran over and comforted him, offering him a Kleenex, which he quickly accepted.

At that moment, Shikamaru ran in.

"SHIKA! QUICKLY! RUN TO THE STORE AND BUY FLOUR! NOW!"

"AHH! What kind?"

"ANYTHING! JUST GET THIS BOY SOME FREAKING FLOUR!"

With that, Shika ran off at like 500 m/h, possibly faster, and arrived back in seconds. Actually it was like 15 minutes, but nobody noticed.

"I BRING FLOUR!" he exclaimed, tossing it in the air. Everything went matrix-style, Shika suspended in a throwing position and Sakura doing some crazy side-flip to grab the flying bag of flour. She caught it, ofcourse, and quickly passed it to Sasuke, who looked up JUST IN TIME to catch it.

Then everything went back to normal, except for Sasuke, who looked only remotely less pitiful.

"O…kay! Are we all set?" Sakura asked. Everyone nodded, so she left Shika and Sasuke and went to sit in the living room with Neji, who was, by the way, still unconscious. Sakura was bored, and Neji was hot, so she went and lied down beside him, staring into his eyes. Soon she got tired, and fell asleep beside him.

"WTF!" exclaimed Sasuke loudly when he noticed where Sakura was sleeping. "W-T-F! Why the crap is she sleeping beside THAT loser!" He stopped screaming for a moment to eat a cookie, then continued. "I'm TOTALLY comfier than him! Why would she do that to me!"

Sakura opened her eyes and yawned. "Do…what?" she asked, stretching.

"Ah, er, hnn, ndurr… noth…ing! What? Shut up! I didn't say anything! Sakura, why the crap are you talking to me! Wtf!"

"… Sasuke…" she said, totally ignoring what he was saying, "can I… have a cookie?" she looked at him with total puppy dog eyes.

"Ah… er… I…" he couldn't resist those eyes. "TAKE ME NOW!" he exclaimed.

Sakura walked up, looked in his eyes, stared at him intently for a moment, and then took a cookie.

Taking a bite, she smiled. "Thanks, this is really good." She grinned and walked to the bathroom, holding her pajamas. Leaving Sasuke totally on the edge. What should he do now?


	5. Neji’s Muffin Tales

**Neji's Muffin Tales**

While everyone was getting ready for bed, Neji suddenly decided he was going to make muffins.

"Guys," he said, with a determined sound in his voice, "I'm going to make muffins."

Everyone nodded in agreement, and watched him stride into the kitchen.

_He's really hot._ Thought Sakura.

_I like muffins._ Thought Shika.

_Hn._ Thought Sasuke, nibbling on a cookie. _Who needs MUFFINS…_

"Hey," thought Sakura suddenly. "If you made muffins… and then you decorated them like mushrooms… you'd have…"

"MUFFROOMS!" exclaimed Shika.

"YEAH! MUFFROOMS!" they all said together, deciding it was a good idea.

"I'm gonna go tell Neji," declared Shikamaru, heading to the kitchen.

Sakura moved a little closer to Sasuke, and he moved a little closer to her.

"Umm… Sasuke… I was just…"

"Sakura, I… err…"

"I mean, I just wanted to…"

"I really want you to know that…"

**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**

"…"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Sasuke screamed, tossing a particularly large pillow at the phone. It missed.

**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He screamed further, but to no avail. The phone just wouldn't cooperate. Eventually he gave in, jumped up, and answered it.

"WHO THE FUCK IS IT!"

_"Ah… ndurr…it's… Naruto…"_

"GO THE FUCK AWAY!" Sasuke yelled into the phone, hanging up very hard, and chucking the phone at the wall. Sakura cowered behind the couch in fear.

"Ahem… aaaanyways…" He looked around. "Sakura?"

It took him like an hour to find her, because the pink-haired girl is ALWAYS in the last place you look (there's a tip for ninja hide and go seek – always look in the last place you're gonna look) When the finally did, they stared into each other eyes.

"Sasuke… what I've been trying to tell you is…"

"Yeah?"

"I… I'm pregnant!"

**BANG.**

"Sa… Sasuke? I… was just… kidding…"


	6. Before Bedtime

**Before Bedtime**

Two hours and 500 band-aids later, Sasuke awoke and found himself in Sakura's arms.

"Sak… Sakura? What… happened…?"

"Sasuke… err… you fell over…" 

"…wtf?"

"Yeahhh, that's what we all said… anyways, what I really wanted to tell you was…"

"OMFG YOU'RE FRICKING PREGNANT! OMG!"

"No, that was a joke… …"

"…. Oh… yeah… ndurr…"

"I was trying to say… that I… well…"

"Yeah, me too… I mean, I… Sakura… I LOVE –"

**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**


	7. The Decision

**The Decision**

After pitching in to buy a new phone, everyone decided to put Sasuke into anger management classes. Sakura was a little iffy about the idea, but hey – atleast it gave her time to think about how she would act around him now.

When he disagreed, everyone whacked him on the head (fairly hard, with particularly large pillows), tossed him into a taxi and payed the taxi guy to take him to some random anger management place. They taxi guy freaked out, though, and forced them into paying him more. They did, but only because Sasuke would probably break their new phone when he woke up.

When they got home, the all had a party, ate muffrooms, and listened to loud music before going to bed. Shikamaru slept on the window bench.


	8. Sakura’s Big Day

**Sakura's Big Day**

When Sakura awoke, she found herself lying on top of Neji.

_Wow. Neji's really hot._ Thought Sakura, flipping onto her stomach to get a better view.

_Hmmm… why am I on top of Neji? Wait, who cares. He's hot._ She looked around. _Heyyyyy, Sasuke's not here! I could make out with Neji and no one would know! HO-HO!_ She did some maniacal laughing.

She looked over at Shikamaru, sleeping all peacefully and such in his pajama pants.

_Shika's pretty hot too. Not as hot as Neji though. Poor Shika._ She looked back to Neji. _Neji, why are you so hot!_

She wanted to get up and have breakfast (which would either be a muffroom, a cookie, or both, as the only thing she could cook was Kraft dinner, and everyone knows you don't have Kraft dinner for breakfast), but she wanted to lie on top of Neji, too.

Maybe she could go get breakfast, eat, and THEN lie on top of Neji. Or eat on top of Neji…

Both of her plans involved getting up, so after taking a good look at Neji, she got up and zombie-walked into the kitchen. Quietly, she reached passed the wall of Kraft dinner in the cupboard and grabbed a plate of cookies.

She took the whole plate into the living room, set them beside Neji, and suddenly realized that eating while you're lying down is hard.

_Thennn… I'll just sit beside Neji._ She sat beside him and ate a cookie. Soon she'd eaten all 6. She wondered why she wasn't getting fat, since this was her regular breakfast every day, but tried not to think about it. 

_Now… I could go back to lying ontop of Neji… or I could…_ she thought for a moment. _Go to the park? Read manga? … HEY! IDEAAAAAA!_

What ifff… while everyone was sleeping… I made breakfast! YEAH! Everyone would love me!

She set off into the kitchen, and suddenly remembered that all she could make was Kraft dinner.

_Damnit… okay… umm…_ She looked in the fridge.

_Okay, let's see… we have… eggs… milk… eggs… more eggs… why the crap do we have so many eggs? Nobody even knows how to COOK eggs._

She took out the milk and 6 eggs. _Okay… think about when Kakashi used to make us breakfast… first you crack the shells…_ She did pretty well with that part, getting only a tiny piece of shell in the bowl, which she quickly removed.

_Now… uhhh…_ She looked thoughtfully at the milk. _I add… milk?_ She poured in a bit of milk and mixed it up. It was looking pretty normal so far. _Now… I… turn the pan on…_ That part was easy… _and put this in the pan. Wow, I can totally do this! Yeah, I'm awesome!_

As she sat beside the stove making her scrambled eggs, suddenly everything caught on fire and the whole kitchen burned.

Okay, that didn't really happen. But she did burn her eggs. It was a sad day for scrambled eggs. _Damn… I wonder if anyone'll notice…_She tried to scrape off the black parts, then put the scrambled eggs onto four plates. She left one outside for Sasuke, incase he ever returned, and took the rest into the living room.

"Breakfasttttttttt!" she called, kicking Neji's shoulder and shaking Shikamaru.

Neji got up right away, but Shikamaru only made weird noises.

"Hrrrr… ndurrr? Ahh…hnnnnn…hekeeee…"

"… WAKE UP YOU IDIOTTTTTT!" screamed Sakura, shoving the poor boy off of his bench onto the floor. That woke him up.

"Wow, Sakura, these are really good! What are they?" asked Neji, devouring his breakfast.

"Eggs. _Scrambled_ eggs." Sakura replied, deviously. Why it was so devious, nobody knew.

"I want my cookies." Mumbled Shikamaru, who was quickly smacked (fairly hard, with a particu…)

"I mean, this is good. Thanks Sakura."

"Hnnn." She replied, not quite so deviously, but in a very Sasuke-like way.

"That was really sexy, do that again." Said Neji.

"Hnnnnnnn." Sakura hnned, with more feeling this time.

"Yeah. That's it." He said, taking his plate and Sakura's into the kitchen.

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	9. Sasuke's Letter

**Sasuke's Letter**

Sasuke picked up his pen and thought for a moment.

Hmm... let's start with…

_Dear Sakura,_

Okay, that sounds good… now what did they tell me to write about? What I've learned today?

_Today I learned that I shouldn't take my anger out on phones. I tried to explain that it was the phone's fault, but the other guy in this class told me to shut up, so I hurt him._

Then I had to go sit in the corner, and they took all my cookies away. I cried for like an hour, until I could finally come back, but they STILL wouldn't give me my cookies, so I beat them up and took my cookies back.

Then they kicked me out, but I didn't know where I was so I came back in. I went all sharingan on them and they couldn't remember who I was so they let me come back.

Now I've eaten all my cookies and they won't let me go into the kitchen. They won't let me use the phone, either, so I have to write this letter.

He started to write "Sincerely" but crossed it out.

_Sociopathologically Yours,  
Sasuke Uchiha_

Crap! Almost forgot…

_PS. Send cookies._

He was bored, so he drew little hearts, stars and scissors all over the page. It was so pretty.

Everyone in his class was handing in their letters, so Sasuke took this chance to sneak onto the phone.

-----------------

**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**

Sakura ran in to answer the phone.

"Haru- uhh, our apartment, Sakura speaking. Who is it?"

"SAKURA!" someone screamed into the phone.

"What the fuck?" she answered, confused.

"Sakura, it's Sasuke. I don't know where I am but you have to come and get me now. FUCK! THEY'RE COMING! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

-Dial tone-

"……………..I'M ON MY WAY!" exclaimed Sakura, who heroically ran outside, jumped in a random taxi, knocked the taxi guy out and drove to the nearest anger management place. It took her like 10 hours because she had no clue where she was going, and it was probably around 3am when she got there. Sasuke's body was lying on the side walk.

"What the crap did they do to you here?"

"Coo… cookiessss… please…" he choked, dragging himself towards her. She picked him up and threw him in the car.

"Okay, I don't actually know how to get home, so I'm just gonna drive around randomly until I get there."

They got home at 11pm. Two days later. When they arrived, they were tired, hungry and craving cookies.

"Cookiessss…" Sakura drooled.

"Mhhmmm… ndurrrr… cooooookies…" Sasuke replied. That was all they could say.

Sakura had thankfully remembered her apartment key, so she opened the door and dragged Sasuke inside, dropping him onto the couch. She made it to the armchair before she fell over, exhausted.

"Ne…ji?" she mumbled, looking around.

"Nrrrr?" he answered, although she wasn't quite sure where he was.

"Make… cookies…" and then she fell asleep.


	10. Strawberry Plushies Forever

**A/N:** Hi again guys! Just wanted to say, a big THANK YOU to my reviewers! I love you guys! Also, thank you to **pUppetEEr-NiNja** for being awesome, and for your living room.

For those that don't know (which is like… everyone), this whole 'fic was inspired by pUppetEEr-NiNja's living room x3

Okee, onto the next chapter..! Enjoy!

* * *

**Strawberry Plushies Forever**

Everyone slept in that morning, and Sakura woke up nearly ontop of Neji again.

"What the crap!" she thought, but had a strange urge to go outside.

Opening the front door, she saw a large, plushie strawberry on the top step.

_'To Sakura,  
with love from Naruto.'_

_Awwwww! Naruto got me a stuffed animal… err, fruit._ She noticed another tag on it.

_'Name: Miichi  
Species: Strawberry  
Birthday: May 14'_

_May 14… wow, that's in two days. Maybe I'll have a birthday party._

She gave the strawberry a hug and brought it inside, throwing it at Neji. It missed, and somehow hit Sasuke instead.

"What the crap!" he mumbled, waking up. "Why'd you hit me with a strawberry?"

"Uhhh, yeahhhh… sorry about that…" she quickly grabbed 'Mi-chan' and put it on the couch.

"So, you have a good sleep Sasuke? Feeling better?"

"Yeah, I think I'll sleep some more today though. I'm hella tired still."

"Ahh, okay. Wanna help me make breakfast?"

"Sure."

They walked into the kitchen together (aww…… not really) and got out the flour, sugar, and other objects needed for making cookies. Sasuke, ofcourse, had the recipe memorized in his head.

Soon they had a bunch of cookies.

"Yummmm." They both said, looking at them. Sakura was about to take one, when a particularly large pillow suddenly knocked her down.

"Woops. Errr…" Neji'd aimed at Sasuke, but it seemed everyone in this house was crappy at throwing. He reached down and helped her up.

"Sorry, Sakura…" he apologized, giving her a hug. Sasuke twitched, eating a cookie to take his mind off of it.

"Ahaha, that's okay… I'm alright, really," she brushed herself off and took a cookie.

"Mmmmm, Sasuke, these are great. Like usual."

It always made him happy when she commented on his cookies. He knew they were good, Neji knew they were good, but only Sakura gave him the feeling of real appreciation.

"Thanks Sakura," he said simply, he'd never been good at expressing his feelings. Before taking a few more and striding off into the kitchen, he gave Neji a good kick in the shins, resulting in an "Oww, what the CRAP!" that Sakura hardly noticed, too submersed in her cookie and her thoughts of Naruto.

_I should really give him a call and thank him. Or send him a letter. I haven't seen him in so long, and we used to be really good friends, too._

She looked around, in sudden realization that Neji and Sasuke, who she'd barely known, were now pretty good friends of hers. She'd learned so much about them, and them about her, and she'd experienced their life and… well, experiences. That's what made a friend, she figured.


	11. I Only Sing Emo Songs

**I Only Sing Emo Songs**

"Heyyyy…" Sakura thought outloud. "Where… did Shika go?"

Everyone looked around.

"Crap, I knew something was weird…" Neji commented.

"Hey," Sasuke said, not listening. "What do you guys think of… emo karaoke?"

Sakura stared at him.

"What the crap! Why would you randomly start talking about emo karaoke?"

Tears welled up in his eyes. "I… I was just wondering…" and he ran to the bathroom.

"……"

"So anyways… about Shika…"

"Nrrrr?"

"… I think… we should… look for him…"

"Ahh… hah…"

And they set off, looking all around the house.

Neji looked behind the armchair, under the couch, behind the curtains, and under some random stuffed strawberry.

Sakura, on the other hand, was good at this sort of thing. She headed straight to the kitchen, reached behind the wall of Kraft dinner in the cupboard, and pulled out a plate of cookies.

The only problem is, there weren't any cookies on the plate.

"Why… are there… no… cookies…" she suddenly screamed for Sasuke, and he came running.

"Why are you wearing emo makeup? Anyways. I need some cookies. Now."

Sasuke nodded, and used his pro ninj4 skillz to make cookies in like 20 minutes (19 of which were the actual baking)

"Thanks!" Sakura said, quickly eating a cookie before carrying out her plan.

"Okay… let's see. I have cookies… Shika likes cookies… Shika's missing… yup, this'll work…" she shoved every cookie into her mouth.

"What the crap!" asked Sasuke, flailing his arms.

"If I eat all these cookies… then Shikamaru will be attracted to the cookies… in me… and… come back…"

"…… I'm never making cookies for you again."

"Your loss."

---------

Meanwhile, Neji wasn't having any luck.

"Damnit! I thought for SURE he'd be under this rock!"

He suddenly realized that he was far away from home. The only sign he could read from where he was said "Konoha Anger Management Inc."

"Huh… well, maybe they have a phone?"

---------

"Sorry… we had some… err… issues, with the phone."

Neji saw the pitiful little phone lying helpless on the ground near the counter.

"What… happened?"

"Some insane black-haired guy came in for classes, and we were kind of scared that he was gonna beat up our phone… so… we did it before he had a chance. The only problem is, though, now we don't have a phone…"

"… well, I guess I'll be going then…" on the way out, Neji noticed a letter titled "Dear Sakura". He decided to take it home and give it to Sakura.

---------

Amazingly, Neji found his way home.

"Neji!" Sakura screamed, leaping into his arms.

"Yo! I'm back. Didn't find Shika, but found this letter for you."

Sakura scanned through it, paying particular attention to the torn bottom.

"Wonder who it's from?" she mumbled, folding it up and tossing it in her pocket.

---------

Meanwhile, some random guy walking down the street happened to notice a small piece of paper lying around. Picking it up, he read it outloud:

"Sociopa- how the crap do you say this? 'Sociopathologically Yours, Sasuke Uchiha'. Huh." On the back was an address, looked like somebody's apartment. He folded it up and put it in his pocket.


	12. Can you say I Love You?

**A/N:** The word"chopsticks" and idea for FotD inspired by pUppetEEr-NiNja, the random part with long words by cHiBi-nIN, and the "radiating awesomeness" phrase is from Kris, and sort of Rachel. Thanks guys :P

Btw, this fanfic is gonna have a –few- serious scenes, for character development and the like. It's kind of a mix of everything… except angst… I don't like angst… …

There's a warning where the SasuSaku-ness starts, so if you're a SasuSaku hater, don't read it :P

* * *

**Can you say I Love You?**

"Hey, Sakura, I was wondering…" Sasuke thought for a moment.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know… what antidisestablishmentarianism is?"

"Ahhhh… isn't that…"

"How about _Floccinaucinihilipilification?_"

"I thought that was…"

"And Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?"

"Oh yeah, that's…"

"Can you say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?"

"New-mono-ultra…"

"Sakura?"

"…micro-scopic-silico-vol…"

"Sakuraaaa?"

"…cano… what?"

"I was wondering… do you wanna go to the beach tomorrow?"

"…coni…osis! YES!"

"Really? You do?"

"I DID IT! I DID IT! YEAHHHHHH!"

"Sweet! I'll go make some cookies to bring with us!" Sasuke ran off.

"Now, what were you saying…? Sasuke?"

---------------

Meanwhile, Neji was on the couch, just radiating awesomeness.

"Neji…"

He ignored her.

"NEJI! Turn off your awesomeness, it's bugging me!"

He ignored her more.

"Can't… look… away… too… awesome…! HELP!"

"… Oh well. This really isn't that bad."

And so, Sakura sat down on the floor and stared at Neji while she waited for someone to save her.

Suddenly, Shikamaru ran in screaming "YESSSSSSSSSS!" at the top of his lungs.

"WTF?" everyone commented, watching him run around the room.

"I GOT IT! I GOT THE NEWEST VOLUME OF MY FAVOURITE MANGA! I WAS FIRST IN LINE AND I WAITED FOR TWO DAYS BUT I GOT IT!"

Sakura looked down at the copy of "Fraction of the Duck: Volume 27" in his hands.

"Wtf?" she said again. "What kind of a name is that?"

Shikamaru stopped for a moment. "Shut up… it's good…"

"Whatever floats your… duck… yeahhhhh…"

Shika continued to scream and run around the room, reading his new manga while he did so, so everyone retreated to the safety of the kitchen.

"Uhhh… is he gonna do that all night?" Sakura asked.

"Hnn… he does this a lot. For EVERY VOLUME, infact, save Volume 16, I got him that for his birthday." Sasuke answered, tiredly. He wanted to sleep, but everyone was too scared to try and stop the raging FotD fan.

"Well… do you guys wanna sleep outside tonight?"

"Yeah, sure." Neji had always secretly wanted to sleep under the stars. He never really thought about it, though. Tonight would be good, the sky was clear.

Everyone grabbed their blankets, sleeping bags and pillows (including Mi-chan, who totally counts as a pillow) and headed out into the night, Sakura picking a nice looking grassy spot beside their apartment.

They set down their things, Sakura in the middle, ofcourse, and got into bed.

Only to realize that they were TOTALLY freaked out. Sakura was, at least.

"OH MY FRICKING GOD. DID YOU JUST SEE THAT THING MOVE. HOLY CRAP, IT'S GONNA FRICKING EAT ME!"

"Sakura… that's a guy on a bicycle…"

"… whatever. OMG, GUYS IT'S SO DARK AND SCARY OUT HERE OMG!"

((**WARNING:** THIS IS WHERE YOU STOP READING IF YOU DON'T LIKE SASUKE X SAKURA, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU))

Suddenly it was an all out war for Sakura. Both guys were scared to make the first move, but Neji beat Sasuke to it, like usual – he moved closer to Sakura and wrapped his arms around her.

"Awww, it's okay… we're here for you, you don't have to be scared."

Sasuke looked for an opening. It seems hopeless, Neji'd won that round, but there had to be SOMETHING he could do…

Now Sakura was TOTALLY confused. Neji seemed to like her, should she ditch Sasuke and go with him? After all those years? That didn't seem right.

_But… Sasuke's not even TRYING to do something…Arg, this is so messed up!_

Sasuke realized this was his only chance. _I have to do this… otherwise… I can't let Neji have her!_

"Sakura…" Sasuke said slowly.

"Yeah?"

"I… I need to talk to you." He said, simply.

"O…okay…" she carefully pushed Neji's arms off her and stood up.

"We'll be right back, Neji."

"Err… kay…" _DAMNIT,_ he though,_ everything was going so well…_

---------------

"Sakura…"

"Mmm?"

"I… I know this is kind of weird… but…" He had no clue what to say… he might as well just be outright, I guess.

"I… well -"

Sakura interrupted him.

"Sasuke…" she wasn't as scared now, even though they'd gone further into the darkness, out of the small amount of light coming from the apartment windows. She stepped as close to Sasuke as she could, although it was hard to see in the darkness, and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He hugged her back… he never wanted to let her go.

_She smells… like cookies… ahhhhh…_

"I…"

"…love you." He finished for her, kissing her lightly on her head.

"I love you too…" she replied, and she meant it. 9, 10 years, probably more, she'd loved him… and only NOW… he finds out?

Well, technically, he knew like… 10 years ago… but back then it was DIFFERENT – everyone told her it was a "little girl crush", that she didn't really LOVE him, that she'd be over it in a week or a month or a year… but it never went away. And now, it didn't feel that much different – she just loved him MORE. Who were they to tell her she didn't love him, anyways?

"So then…"

"Nothing has to change," he said quickly. He didn't want anything to change. Being a little closer to Sakura was great, or perhaps a lot closer, but he wanted everything to go on like it was. Life was good right now.

"Yeah," she said, smiling. She felt the same way.

"I'm pretty tired, we should go back," Sakura decided, yawning quietly.

"Orrr… we could run off into the forest!"

_What forest…?_ "Ahh, you know I would… but… I really need some sleep. We should probably explain to Neji, too." She didn't really want to, but she had a sneaking suspicion that he might like her – it was only right to tell him. She wanted to be best friends, and if Neji _really_ loved her, they could be…

Most of the apartment lights had gone out now, and it was hard to see anything, so Sasuke stayed really close to Sakura as they walked back. There was Neji, looking completely rejected on the ground, even though he didn't know what they'd been talking about.

_I'll tell him in the morning, I guess,_ she thought. _Tonight, though, I've gotta be nice to him – he looks so pitiful._

And so, after a short chat about chopsticks, the three fell asleep under the stars. What Neji hadn't noticed was that Sakura was sleeping in Sasuke's arms, but he'd figure everything out in the morning, anyways…

* * *

**A/N:** Tomorow'll be interesting... wonder who's all going to the beach...?


	13. This thing called Yaoi

**A/N:** It's getting weirder… and weirder… …****

This thing called Yaoi

Naruto was wandering around the house, looking for things to take to the beach. Suddenly, Mizuki came in.

"Ahhh… ndurrrrr… hello?" mumbled Naruto, looking for his towel.

"Naruto-chan…" Mizuki replied, TOTALLY not lust-ish-ly at all…

"… why are you in my house, anyways? WTF!"

"Na-chan…" he moved closer to Naruto, as Naruto backed away. "Come here Na-chan… I have… ramen…" he pulled out a huge bowl of ramen, and started moving towards his car outside, Naruto following eagerly.

"Ramen…" he mumbled, drooling.

"Damnit, this is taking too long…" he tossed the ramen and stepped forward. "Naruto… TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES!"

"………… WHAT THE FUCK! GET AWAY FROM ME!" and, clutching his towel tightly, Naruto ran all the way to the beach.

--------------

Kiba looked down at his watch, only to realize he didn't actually have one.

"Christ, where's Naruto? He was supposed to be here like half an hour ago…"

Shikamaru looked around the beach, spotting Neji, Lee, Shino (still wearing his coat…), Akamaru, Ino, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, and… some crazy blonde kid running straight towards him.

"I think… he's here…" mumbled Shika, quickly dodging Naruto.

Neji wasn't so lucky.

"Wtf…" he flipped around to see Naruto, writhing in the sand below him.

"……"

"Mizuki… he… and then I… I came as fast as I could… Neji… HOLD ME!" he jumped up and held onto Neji very tightly. Neji tried to shake him off, but his efforts were in vain.

"Naruto… it's okay… you'll be alright… we're all here…" he patted Naruto's back, but he still wouldn't let go, so Neji sighed and gave him a hug.

"Are you okay now? Come on, we'll go jump over the waves… come on, let's go…" and the two went down by the water, Naruto clinging onto Neji's arm.

Sasuke and Sakura were walking alone the beach, chatting about whatever came to mind.

"So, Sasuke…"

"Hnnn?"

"Do you… think Neji's… hot?"

"…… well, now that you mention it…"

"SASUKE WATCH OUTTTTTTT!" Kiba yelled, as a giant wave starting taking him right towards Sasuke and Sakura. Along with Lee, Kiba had become an awesome surfer over the years.

"HOLY FUCK!" screamed Sasuke, grabbing Sakura and running out of the way.

"Sasuke…" Sakura mumbled into his chest.

"Errr…" Sasuke pulled her away.

"You should TOTALLY learn to surf like that! That was SWEET!"

"Hnnn… one day…maybe…" Sasuke was secretly terrified of the ocean. Terrified.

"Hey, let's go jump over the waves with Naruto and Neji!"

"… ahhhhhh… yeah… you go do that… I'm gonna go get some lunch…"

"Oh, okay… see you soon!" she smiled and ran off.

_Damnit…_ he thought, watching her leave. _The ocean isn't really… THAT scary… I guess…_

He passed by Ino as he went to get food.

"Oh, hey! Sasuke! Haven't seen you around lately!"

"Mrphh… hey, Ino." He grumbled. She was SO annoying.

"So, Sasuke, wanna go to the mall later?"

"Uhh, ACTUALLY," he emphasized, to rub it in, "I'm going somewhere with SAKURA later. Sorry about that." He wasn't the least bit sorry.

"Uh…hhhh… oh, okay, well whatever. See you." _Are you joking me? He used to hate her, didn't he? She was so ANNOYING. Well, whatever, Sasuke's an emo anyways._

_Wow… Ino sounds like "emo". Like emo karaoke. INO karaoke. Ahahahaha…_ Sasuke thought to himself, proud of his discovery. When that was over with, he reached over to their lunch bag and grabbed some chips. 

"Yummmm." He thought outloud, and sat back, watching Sakura jumping over the water. What a pointless thing to do. She looked so happy, though.

--------------

"Nejiiiii…" mumbled Naruto, pulling on Neji's arm. "I was just thinking… well… I'm ALWAYS uke, and… do you think… I could…"

"… WHAT THE FUCKKKK! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Neji screamed, running far, far away, to the safety of Sasuke and the bag of chips.

"…Neji?"

--------------

Sasuke noticed Neji was charging up to him, and had left Sakura and Naruto alone, still jumping over the waves.

"Hey, Sasuke?"

"Yo Neji, want some chips?"

"Yeah, thanks. Anyways, I was wondering… do you have any experience with… yaoi?"

Sasuke stared at him. "Ya…oi? …"

"Sasuke… I think it's time you learn about the… birds… the male birds… and the other male birds… …"

"…"

And so, they had a long talk about what happens when two male birds get together, Sasuke listening closely.

"So… the uke is…"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay."

Sasuke thought for a moment.

"Wow. So that's what the fangirls were screaming about all this time."

"Yeah. I don't get it either."

"Yaoi. Huh."

"Sasuke, we're out of chips."

"Damnit." He dug in the backpack for more, but all he found were muffrooms.

"Muffroom?" he asked Neji.

"Totally. Thanks."

And so, the two sat, eating muffrooms, until Sasuke decided he would try and take on his fear of water.

"Neji. I have this… problem…"

"I know. It's okay."

"Err, how did you know I was scared of water?"

"… oh… that…" he coughed. "I don't think I can help you with that, sorry…"

"Arg… how can I spend a peaceful day at the beach with my girlfriend, if all she wants to do is jump in the water?"

"Dunno. Figure it out yourself." Neji was starting to get a little snappy. Sasuke had to rub everything in.

"Meh." Sasuke shrugged, and headed off towards Sakura.


	14. Ramen is SO Last Week

This site kills my smilies! XoX 

**A/N:** Sorry I'm late guys! Haven't really felt like writing lately x.x

Just as a warning, this one is really random and weird o.0 It's one of those "don't ask" sorta things… I don't know either :P

OMG, my desktop is so full O.O … I'll clean it off one day… …

Props to Chelsea (I can't remember which letters are capped in your username, so I'm just writing your name) for the Tortilla stuff, and FotD too! Wow, random stuff huh? It's all from Chelsea, thanks girl -heart-

Some ideas spawned from Chelsea's sis and Kristina, thanks to you guys too! -huggle-

I wanted to give a big THANK YOU! to my reviewers! -heart- Love you guys! If I ever don't reply to a review… sorry! I forget which ones I've already replied to and I get confused xD; If you ever have a question or anything, feel free to PM me! Okay, enjoy :D**  
**

**Ramen is -SO- Last Week**

Everyone was lazing around the apartment, tired from their day at the beach.

"Why do _I_ have to call?" Shikamaru groaned. He never did like asking for money.

"Because Neji's a weirdo, and I don't feel like it!" Sasuke answered.

"Fine, fine… whatever…" Shika picked up the phone and dialed Chouji's number.

_"Yo?"_

"Hey, Chouji! How's it going..?"

_"Same old… did you get the new FotD?"_

"Duhh, I get it like… before it's even released. Practically. Write anything new? You should totally get 'Sophisticated Tortilla' published, it'd sell like crazy."

_"Just a few new chapters of that one… I'm starting a new doujinshi though, couldn't help myself: it's called 'Half the Duck', with all the FotD characters ofcourse. I think it's got my best art, the storyline kinda sucks so far though."_

"Dude, I love it already! Make sure you send me a copy of that one; I'm running out of manga to read. Oh, anyways, I was wondering…"

Shika cleared his throat.

"Well, you see… we've got this insane girl living with us now, and… we kinda need more money. We're all looking for jobs, but at this rate we're gonna die of hunger before we even get to an interview…"

_"Lmao!" _(no, I don't know how he said that either) _"kay, no prob. I've been selling 'Naïve Tortilla' at my lemonade stands and people are buying tons, so I'll send you guys some extra. Heyyy, you guys remember Kankuro? He's working down at Ichiraku Donuts now, I could prolly get you guys jobs over there…"_

"OMG! That'd be awesome Cho! It's just down the road, too. All four of us?"

_"Yeah, sure, I think they're looking for help anyways. Can any of you cook?"_

"… … … I… think… maybe Sakura can…"

_"That's… good… I'll see what I can do, seeya Shika!"_

"Bye!"

"See, that wasn't so hard."

"I HATE phones."

"Me too."

"I know."

"…"

--------------------------

**A/N:** Omg, 'Black Hole Sun' just started playing. I love this song. Go listen to it now.

--------------------------

Sakura suddenly found herself dazed, confused, and dressed in a slutty "Ichiraku Donuts & Tea" outfit.

"Did I… miss… something…?"

Neji popped up from behind the counter and grinned.

"WECOME TO ICHIRAKU DONUTS!"

"Neji, you idiot, you aren't supposed to scream at the customers. Sakura, come on, we need you over here for a minute."

"Ahhh… kay…" Sakura hobbled over.

Wow. Sasuke was wearing… a frilly apron.

"It was… the only one… they had…" he choked out.

"Ahhh… aaaanyways… so what did you need me for?"

Sasuke came up and whispered in her ear.

"They… told me to make tea… but…" he fidgeted. "I… don't know how…"

Sakura stared.

"Okay… umm…" she went over to the counter, and looked to make sure he was watching.

"You take… the tea bag…" she held it up. "This," she shook it in front of him. He gets confused easily.

"Ahhh… kay…"

"And… you put it… in the pot…" she slowly moved it towards the teapot, and dropped it in.

Sasuke watched in shock and admiration.

"Then, you pour boiling water in." She proceeded to do just that.

"Ohh… yeah! Okay, thanks Sakura." He almost smiled, she could tell he was trying, and it made her smile.

"Hey," she looked around, "where's… Shikamaru?"

He looked around too. "Ah, yeah… haven't seen him around, actually," he answered. He listened around for the odd rustling sounds that Shikamaru typically made, but heard nothing.

"Wow, why does Shikamaru always disappear…?"

They both shrugged and got back to work.

Suddenly, Neji charged into the kitchen.

"FREEEE MUFFINSSSSSSS!" he exclaimed, causing the random employees to scream "WHERE?" and run out of the room.

"Okay guys, I have a plan." He moved in to where Sasuke and Sakura were standing, thoroughly confused.

"Watch this." He moved over to a drawer, made sure the two were looking, and opened it dramatically. Inside were…

"… knives?"

"Err, wrong drawer." He moved to the next one, and opened it, less dramatically.

"… nap… kins…"

"…"

And the next drawer…

"Neji…"

"OKAY, screw that plan!"

Neji came back over to them. "Guys, we're gonna give the store a little… _makeover._" The two came in close to listen to what was on his mind.

--------------------

The menu above the cashiers inside Ichiraku Donuts & Tea now read:

"Donuts, all kinds – $126.99 each, $1,623.99 for a 12-pack  
Herbal teas - $63.99/cup  
Other teas - $70.98/cup"

The three looked up, proud of their work.

"So… you think people'll still buy stuff?"

"Oh yeah. They'll have no clue donuts are supposed to be $0.99 each. Get ready to make some SERIOUS money!"

They rushed to the counter as a customer came in.

"Getting ready for my daughter's birthday party… okay, I want 12 chocolate donuts, 12 vanilla with sprinkles, and a cup of lemon tea for myself."

"Okay, that'll come to…" Neji typed it all into the cash register.

"$3774.97 with tax! Will you pay with cash or cheque…?"

"Errrr… isn't that kind of… oh well, this IS the best donut store in Konoha! Do you take Visa?"

"Sure!" Neji made an overly happy face, swiped the card and imagined what he'd buy with his new paycheck.

"Thanks!" the customer grabbed his bag of donuts, noticing everyone's freakishly happy (but definitely not hiding anything) faces. "Ahahaha, everyone's so happy here…!"

"AHAHAHAHA… YEEEAHHH…" everyone responded.

"Okay, bye then…!"

"BYE..!"

Sakura took a deep breath as he left.

"OH MY GOD. I didn't think we'd be able to do it."

"See? People'll pay anything. We should have made it more expensive."

They all high-fived and smiled.

"W00t!" exclaimed Sakura, impressed by Neji's work. Sasuke wouldn't admit it, ofcourse, but he was too.

Now they just had the problem of Shikamaru being gone… Where would he turn up this time? Stick around for the next chapter, **SHIKAMARU'S SECRET, REVEALED**!


End file.
